timelines, expectations and why they're bullshit.
So I'm sure you all know by now that sometimes society has these specific goals or expectations that we feel we must meet. Like maybe if you're female then you should at least have a boyfriend or a prospective boyfriend by the time you're 25. Or maybe you should be having your own children by the time you are 27. And any other expectation or timeline you feel like you need to follow.
I'm here to tell you that is complete and utter bullshit. If we were all meant to be the same and follow the same timeline and expectations then we wouldn't have these little things called choices. But back to what I was saying. Just because everyone else is doing something does not mean that you need to.
As a woman and I'm not saying men do not feel this as well but I honestly think that as women, we get so caught up in timelines; and how can we not when society seems to put labels and expectations on us. When are you getting married? Why haven't you given me any grandchildren to me yet? I want to have this by this age. I want to be done with this by this. And I say to that: SHUT UP. I have for sure had my moments where I have endured through the same exact thing. I have been suffering a lot lately with timelines and parental expectations especially since I'm 22 years old now and many of my friends have or are graduating from university whereas I have only just decided to start my tertiary education next year. Since 2017; the year I graduated from high school, it has seemed like every person whether that's a family friend or even simple acquaintances have interrogated me about my life plans or have wondered why I haven't done this or done that.
Having grown up 'poor', my family use to all sleep in one room in my grandmother's house. This is likely a factor as to why I feel so behind and lost because ever since I was young, I knew I wanted money so to be 22, working a dead-end job, you can imagine that for the last four years at least, I've been feeling ashamed of myself, my life and the decisions I have made that has brought me to this point. So to be 22 and to know that I could do so much better for myself than I have done is a sobering thought but I have learned in the last year that there is no going back. The last four years had to happen in order for me to get to the point that I am at now.
It has only been in the past year; what with covid, where I have had a semblance of an idea as to what I want for myself. Never did I think that I would have been 22 years old, working at a fast-food restaurant, and still unsure of what to do with myself. And even now, though I have made a small decision as to what I wish to do with my life; I still have small bouts of self-doubt and loathing for the cards that I essentially dealt myself. I feel like I think to myself at least twice a day; WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
And honestly, I really think social media is a factor in why we have so many expectations of ourselves or why we think we should already have certain things by certain ages because we see other people our age have those things. Let me tell you this, social media is fake. You may see people post about their happy life with their husband and kids but in reality, maybe their marriage isn't doing too great. All I'm saying is to take social media with a grain of salt and instead, focus on bettering your own life free of expectations and labels.
Speaking of social media, I am someone who has never wanted kids before the age of 30. I love kids but not enough to have one while I still consider myself a kid; in terms of life, of course. And yet, once I saw a lot of my school friends were having children and posting cute photos all over Instagram; I felt a little sorry for myself for not being further in life like it seemed they were which is like why? Don't beat yourself up over something you never wanted for yourself. Repeat after me: Don't beat yourself up over something you never wanted for yourself.
Which brings me to another thought: Why are we all so adamant on fitting a whole lifetime in our 20s? Being in your 30s doesn't mean you're old but I think in this day and age, we've glorified our 20s to the point where it should be the greatest years of our lives, where we have everything we ever wanted, had our greatest adventures, found our true friends and our life partners and why can't we do that at any age? I'm not about to let my age determine where I should be in life. If I decide to have my first child after I'm 30 then that's my own business. If I decide that I want to buy a house even if I will be living in it on my own with no partner and no children then I'm not going to allow something as minor as my age or my life circumstances to detract from the achievement itself.
While we have been talking on the topic of timelines and expectations, let's talk about goals as well cause goals and expectations are different, no matter what others may say. The expectations that you have for yourself based solely upon what others expect of you are different from certain goals that you want yourself to achieve. When you have expectations or timelines you feel like you should follow simply because of where you are in terms of age and other factors in life, that is different from a goal you have set for yourself. Goals come with the expectations but without the shame, guilt, and the feeling that you're missing out on something great that everyone else is experiencing. Setting a goal that you wish to achieve by the end of the year because you want to is different from doing something or having something done by this time or this age simply because you feel like you have to in order to be considered successful in life.
Anyways, that's my little rant done for today. I hope you've read and learned something. Remember that there is no exact timeline that you need to follow, it's all in your own timing. I hope you keep winning. I hope you keep growing. I hope life treats you well.
Over and out,
J x
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